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Avoiding Filter Phrases in Fiction Writing: Self-Editing Tips

saraheahart

We all know how tedious the self-editing stage of writing can be. You get to the end of your first draft and celebrate—and then realize you have a lot more work ahead of you! From tightening your prose and editing your dialogue to snipping unnecessary words, self-editing is a large task. Entire books have been written about how to make these edits. And one thing many of these books and articles talk about is filter phrases.

This article discusses filter phrases: words and phrases that distance the reader from the narrative and should therefore be avoided. So, when you are editing your rough draft, keep this article and list handy!

Filter phrases are often associated with the senses—touch, sight, smell, sound, and taste. They are also associated with thought and feeling.

An example is “see/saw”, as used in this sentence: 

She saw Edward walk toward the bureau.

In this sentence, you are using third person point-of-view, and “She” is the narrator. So, we don’t need “She saw” because it’s already implied that whatever is in the narration is something “She” (the narrator) saw. Therefore, you can change the sentence to:

Edward walked toward the bureau.

See how that tightens up the narrative? We’re no longer filtering experiences through the narrator’s senses; instead, we’re seeing what the narrator sees without having to be told that “the narrator is seeing.”

Let’s look at another example:

As I walk through the garden, I notice butterflies dancing among the lilies.

Do you see the filter phrase here? It’s “I notice”! Here is a better way to write this sentence:

As I walk through the garden, butterflies dance among the lilies.

This a) takes out the filter phrase, and b) creates a stronger verb for the sentence (“butterflies dance”).

Here is a list of common filter phrases to remove from your fiction writing:

  • see/saw
  • notice/noticed
  • watch/watched
  • hear/heard
  • listen/listened to
  • feel/felt
  • realize/realized
  • think/thought
  • wonder/wondered
  • believe/believed
  • know/knew

Here is one more example:

I wondered why Adelaide couldn’t understand the truth.

“I wondered” is the filter phrase here. How would we rewrite this? Here’s a suggestion:

Why couldn’t Adelaide understand the truth?

As you see, writing out direct thoughts makes more sense than using filter phrases to distance the reader from the experience.

Am I saying that every single filter phrase should be deleted? Not necessarily. There may be a few instances where filtering works—especially if you want to create distance. However, in most cases, these phrases are just not needed.

Tip: Don’t worry too much about these in your first/rough drafts. Many writers use filter phrases without thinking, so don’t let them break your stride! During the self-editing process is when the filter phrases should be spotted and rewritten.

Have you heard of filter phrases before? Which of these do you find yourself using? What other filter phrases can you think of?

editing, grammar

Dialogue Tags vs. Action Tags

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A dialogue tag signifies how the dialogue is being presented and who it is being presented by. The most common example of a dialogue tag is he said. This shows who is speaking the dialogue (he) and how he’s doing it (in this case, he simply said it).

On the other hand, an action tag is an action that hints at who the speaker of the line of dialogue is but isn’t describing the way the dialogue is presented. An action tag looks like this: “Hello!” He waved. Notice that it is a separate sentence from the dialogue, but it does give a clue as to who is saying it (he) and also presenting an action (waved). He did not wave the dialogue; the dialogue was spoken and then he waved.

As a freelance editor, I see this mistake happen often in fiction writing: Someone will write a line of dialogue with an action tag that is written as a dialogue tag. For example:

“Hello,” he smiled.

This example is incorrect, because he did not “smile” the dialogue; he spoke the dialogue and smiled. He performed an action—therefore, we should use an action tag, which is a separate sentence.

“Hello.” He smiled.

Now, what complicates things is this: What if you wanted to turn it into a dialogue tag? Writers may opt to do this because “He smiled” is a bit boring and clunky. The correct way to turn an action tag into a dialogue tag is this:

“Hello,” he said with a smile. —or— “Hello,” he said, smiling.

See how it changes so that we are describing how the dialogue is being presented? Again, it’s just “said,” but that is so important because that keeps it as part of the same sentence as the line of dialogue.

Think of it this way—use the comma and lowercase if it’s part of the sentence. “He said” is not a complete sentence exactly, since it’s not telling us WHAT he said. (Grammar nerds, I know it has a subject and a verb. Don’t come after me. I’m making a point.) However, “He smiled” IS a complete sentence, right? We don’t need other information to understand that sentence.

Correct examples:

“Hello,” he whispered.

John cried out, “Oh no!”

“Stop!” the man shouted.

“That’s beautiful.” He smiled at me.

“I love this.” He picked it up for a closer inspection.

Incorrect examples:

“Hello.” He whispered.

“I love this,” he picked it up for a closer inspection.

“That’s beautiful,” he smiled at me.

So there you have it! A dialogue tag is a continuation of the dialogue’s sentence, while an action tag is its own separate sentence. You can turn an action tag into a dialogue tag by adding a dialogue tag to the action.

If you have more questions, don’t hesitate to send me a message or contact me on Instagram! If this blog post helped you understand some things, please leave a comment below and share it with your writing group!

editing, grammar

In Defense of the Oxford Comma

saraheahart

[Context: I was asked on a recent job application to do the following: “In 500 words or fewer, write a structured argument to support your most unpopular opinion.” I now present to you my exactly-500-word manifesto:]

Use of the Oxford, or serial, comma should be mandatory in grammatically correct sentences. Opponents claim that it is a “waste of space,” “redundant,” and “unnecessary.” These individuals contend that the use of the Oxford comma should no longer be taught in schools or used in publications, calling it nonessential. On the contrary, the use of an Oxford comma is indeed essential in a sentence with listed items; it brings the sentence balance, clarity, and rhythm.

Grammatically correct sentence structure demands balance. Subjects and verbs must agree; a phrase such as “not only” should be followed by its counterpart “but also.” The Oxford comma brings balance to a sentence containing a list of three or more words or phrases by providing a comma between each listed item. Removing the serial comma unbalances the sentence structure, causing it to lump together two of the listed items. Consider the following sentence:

“I like apples, oranges, and bananas.”

Each serial item is separated by its own punctuation mark. If we were to remove the serial comma in this sentence, “oranges and bananas” would become its own phrase rather than two distinct entities in the list. Bereft of their separator, the final two listed items upset the balance of the sentence.

Let us consider another sentence—one that commonly demonstrates the clarity the Oxford comma brings:

“He met with Nelson Mandela, an 800-year-old demi-god and a dildo collector.”

Without its serial comma, the sentence implies that Nelson Mandela is an 800-year-old demigod who collects dildos. Now, let us consider the sentence again, this time with the Oxford comma in its proper place:

“He met with Nelson Mandela, an 800-year-old demi-god, and a dildo collector.”

Now the sentence is clear; the man is meeting with three distinct persons, only one of whom is Nelson Mandela.

Finally, the Oxford comma provides a soothing rhythm within a serial sentence. After each listed item is a gentle beat—a brief pause, as each comma in turn indicates. Here is an example of another sentence utilizing a serial comma:

“My favorite colors are purple, black, red, and blue.”

Try reading the sentence with a poignant pause at each comma. It sounds like this:

Purple (beat) black (beat) red (beat) and blue.

The rhythm flows; the beats line up between each listed item. Consider reading the sentence without the serial comma:

Purple (beat) black (beat) red and blue.

See how the last two items jumble up at the end, throwing off the rhythm of the sentence?

In summary, the Oxford comma is a necessary punctuation mark that balances the sentence, clarifies the meaning of each word or phrase, and perfectly captures the flowing rhythm of a grammatically correct serialized sentence. Calling for the Oxford comma to be deemed essential across all style guides may be seen as an unpopular opinion; however, when looking at the different facets and benefits of the punctuation mark, the correct answer is clear. The Oxford comma should always be used in articles, books, and journals.