fiction – Sarah EA Hart

All right, let’s get this out of the way first; what even IS a dangling modifier?!

A dangling modifier happens when you use a modifier—something that changes (or modifies) a word or phrase—on a word/phrase that’s not clear in the sentence.

Here is an example of a CORRECT, non-dangling modifier:

Bending down, I picked up the old book. [GOOD]

Who is bending down? “I” bent down, right? Let’s check the last part of the sentence—and that’s correct, “I” is the subject of the sentence, so the sentence is in agreement with itself.

Here is an example of an INCORRECT, dangling modifier:

Bending down, the old book I grabbed was dusty. [NOT GOOD]

Who bent down? “I”, right? What’s the subject of this sentence, though? Uh oh—it’s “the old book.” Did the old book bend down? No! Your modifier’s dangling!!

Here’s another non-example:

Glancing around the room, the candles threw shadows on the wall. [NOT GOOD]

Super descriptive sentence, but let’s break it down. Who “glanced around the room”? Was it the candles? No! It was the narrator. But in this sentence, “the candles” are the subject. Uh oh!

How can we fix it? Here are a couple ways that we can rewrite the sentence to fix the dangling modifier:

As I glanced around the room, the candles threw shadows on the wall.

Glancing around the room, I noticed candles throwing shadows on the wall.

I glanced around the room. Candles threw shadows on the walls.

Just make sure that the beginning phrase in the sentence (the stuff before the comma) agrees with the actual subject of the sentence (which typically comes right after the comma!). Ask yourself, WHO is doing [insert verb from the beginning of the sentence]? You’ve got to answer that right after the comma as your subject of the sentence.

A couple more examples and non-examples for you:

Giggling over the joke, I ran from the room. [GOOD]

Giggling over the joke, my high heels clacked against the floor as I ran from the room. [NOT GOOD]

Whoa, so close! But “my high heels” is actually the subject of this sentence, so it’s got a dangling modifier.

Sweeping the floor, I found a broken locket under the bed. [GOOD]

Sweeping the floor, a broken locket lay under the bed. [NOT GOOD]

Good luck hunting down those tricky sentence edits. And always remember—don’t let your modifier dangle!!

We all know how tedious the self-editing stage of writing can be. You get to the end of your first draft and celebrate—and then realize you have a lot more work ahead of you! From tightening your prose and editing your dialogue to snipping unnecessary words, self-editing is a large task. Entire books have been written about how to make these edits. And one thing many of these books and articles talk about is filter phrases.

This article discusses filter phrases: words and phrases that distance the reader from the narrative and should therefore be avoided. So, when you are editing your rough draft, keep this article and list handy!

Filter phrases are often associated with the senses—touch, sight, smell, sound, and taste. They are also associated with thought and feeling.

An example is “see/saw”, as used in this sentence:

She saw Edward walk toward the bureau.

In this sentence, you are using third person point-of-view, and “She” is the narrator. So, we don’t need “She saw” because it’s already implied that whatever is in the narration is something “She” (the narrator) saw. Therefore, you can change the sentence to:

Edward walked toward the bureau.

See how that tightens up the narrative? We’re no longer filtering experiences through the narrator’s senses; instead, we’re seeing what the narrator sees without having to be told that “the narrator is seeing.”

Let’s look at another example:

As I walk through the garden, I notice butterflies dancing among the lilies.

Do you see the filter phrase here? It’s “I notice”! Here is a better way to write this sentence:

As I walk through the garden, butterflies dance among the lilies.

This a) takes out the filter phrase, and b) creates a stronger verb for the sentence (“butterflies dance”).

Here is a list of common filter phrases to remove from your fiction writing:

see/saw
notice/noticed
watch/watched
hear/heard
listen/listened to
feel/felt
realize/realized
think/thought
wonder/wondered
believe/believed
know/knew

Here is one more example:

I wondered why Adelaide couldn’t understand the truth.

“I wondered” is the filter phrase here. How would we rewrite this? Here’s a suggestion:

Why couldn’t Adelaide understand the truth?

As you see, writing out direct thoughts makes more sense than using filter phrases to distance the reader from the experience.

Am I saying that every single filter phrase should be deleted? Not necessarily. There may be a few instances where filtering works—especially if you want to create distance. However, in most cases, these phrases are just not needed.

Tip: Don’t worry too much about these in your first/rough drafts. Many writers use filter phrases without thinking, so don’t let them break your stride! During the self-editing process is when the filter phrases should be spotted and rewritten.

Have you heard of filter phrases before? Which of these do you find yourself using? What other filter phrases can you think of?

Tag: fiction

Hey, Writer—Your Modifier is Dangling!: Tips to Strengthen Your Sentences

Avoiding Filter Phrases in Fiction Writing: Self-Editing Tips